Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
