9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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