i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize