Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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