I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
