Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
