Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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