yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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