you turned your livingroom into a bong?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
