I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
