I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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