when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
