I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
its liver damage thursday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize