I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
