a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize