I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
