Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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