My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
