im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
