just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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