oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
