like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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