It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
