Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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