Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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