please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he thought i was a dude.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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