watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize