If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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