So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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