conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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