There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My vagina just clenched in fear
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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