Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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