One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
