yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
