sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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