Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
