Come see our sink grown plant.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
