Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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