I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
