We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
