Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
