dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
literally had 100 drinks last night.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
