Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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