Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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