ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
