Your face is a jimmy john
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
