I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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