and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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