Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize