You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize