I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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