then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
