My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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