Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
