we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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