i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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