I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
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