We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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