Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
