Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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