its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
