so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
