Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
