There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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