It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
