i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize