i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
