Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
