I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
