I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
