he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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