He is an equal opportunity slut.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
